


"was i ever enough"

by potatolesbian



Series: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Haikyuu Angst Week 2020, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:54:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27474610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potatolesbian/pseuds/potatolesbian
Summary: Day 2: Insecurities
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2005972
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	"was i ever enough"

He didn’t want to go. His heart was heavy and his mind was empty. Yamaguchi didn’t want to go at all. But his feet started moving on their own when he saw the text.

**Tsukki <3: ** I know you don’t want to and you’re not obliged to either but I’m waiting outside in my car. Can we talk, just one more time…

And as if on autopilot mode he immediately stood up to go outside. He hates it. Part of him wanted to leave Tsukishima outside waiting for him instead. I mean it’s what he deserved anyway so why is he on the way to open the door. He hates it. It feels like Tsukishima had some sort of grip on him, he wanted to get rid of it. 

He stops and thinks before opening the door. He questions himself if he wants to open to what was waiting for him. Especially knowing the last time he did, he ended up hearing a piece of news that left him crying himself to sleep for days.

_ “I’m cheating on you.” _

To be honest he did have his suspicions. He noticed him spending less time with him and sneaking around to get somewhere. His friends were also growing suspicions and had tried their best to drop hints about dumping him. But he refused to listen to them. He refused to listen to himself. How could he? That was his Tsukki. His Tsukki who made him feel like he was worth more than he believed he was. His Tsukki who seemed cold to the rest of the world but gave Yamaguchi subtle compliments. His Tsukki who loved Yamaguchi’s freckles and other quirks he had. His Tsukki who made Yamaguchi feel perfect. His Tsukki who made him feel enough.

He knows. He knows he’s not particularly people’s favourite. That he has a lot of ugly parts that he carries with him. That some people find him weak, weird or just plain unpleasant. But it didn’t matter. Because as long as Tsukki loved him, he was enough. That was enough. Until it, all came crashing down.

He remembers being utterly speechless by the sudden confession. He remembers just looking at Tsukki with the most hurt look ever. Tsukki continued.  _ “I have been for a while. It’s been about three weeks now.”  _ They had gone on their last date exactly four days before the confession. Exactly four days ago Tsukki called Yamaguchi the most beautiful boy he had ever seen. Exactly four days ago he told him loved him. Had it all been a lie. There was silence before Yamaguchi said,  _ “Get out.” _ Tsukki had only nodded and left without another word.

_ Don’t just leave. _

He remembers thinking that.

_ Fight for me. Tell me you’re lying. _

The next few days had passed with him wondering how many things were a lie. He didn’t love him. Clearly, there was someone better than him that made Tsukki go towards them and not him. Did he even like his freckles or the way he scratched the back of his head when he got nervous? Did he ever admire the way he was hard-working and dedicated to improving? Did he ever like the way he laughed or talked? How many times did he mean it when he said he loved him?

Was he ever good enough?

Was there something wrong with him?

Well, guess he’s gonna find out. 

He opened the door and sure enough, Tsukki’s car was there. He took a deep breath before walking and opening the car door to sit on the passenger seat. As soon as he entered the car there was an uncomfortable silence looming over them. Yamaguchi refused to look at him. After awhile Tsukishima finally talked, “I know I can’t take back what I did.” Yamaguchi already felt his eyes well up and his voice just caught in his throat, choking him.

“But I really am sorry for what I did.”

_ Then why did you do it? _

“I never wanted to hurt you.”

_ But you did. _

“Or make you feel like you were nothing.”

_ … _

“But I just--” The sudden voice crack from Tsukki made him turn around in shock. He could see that tears were also welling up his eyes. His voice was now shaky, “I don’t know.” Yamaguchi has never felt such an odd mixture of heartbreak and anger before. He had never wanted to yell at someone as well as hold them like he wanted to do now. But he chose to do neither.

Tsukki continued, “I know we’ll never be the same, romantically or even as friends. But I just want you to know,” he took a deep breath before continuing, “that you’ll be okay.”

Yamaguchi only stared at him silently as tears continued to roll down his face freely.

“I know I can’t beg you to forgive me even if I tried so I just want you to know. One day it’ll no longer hurt and the pain will fade away before you even realize it and I’ll be nothing but that bastard who hurt you.” As he said that Yamaguchi only buried his face into his hands and sobbed. He again refused to say anything.

“Please say something Yamaguchi.”

This caused him to look Tsukishima in the eye and ask, “Was I ever good enough?”

“Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima tried to reach his face, Yamaguchi subconsciously recoiled back. Tsukishima flinched at the action but pulled his hand back and continue, “You were always enough. Everything I said, I always meant it.”

“So I stopped being enough?”

“No--”

“Then why?!” He yelled. The loudest his voice has been after a long time.

Tsukishima doesn’t say anything. Yamaguchi doesn’t know if that’s better or worse. He doesn’t know if he believes him when he says he’s enough. He doesn’t know how much he’s lying anymore.

Maybe this is a sign. To show Yamaguchi that even Tsukishima can’t make him feel worthy or enough. That maybe it was something he should’ve worked on his own. He thinks back to Tsukishima’s words.  _ You’ll be okay.  _ Out of everything, that’s the one thing he wants to believe. That it will all hurt less and he’ll realize he is happy on his own and doesn’t need someone to make him feel whole.

He lets out a shaky breath and exits the car. He doesn’t look back as he heard Tsukishima’s car slowly drive away. He doesn’t look back to say goodbye.

**Author's Note:**

> more pain :)


End file.
